Family: Mom Mom, Pop Pop and the B and O Railroad

Mom-Mom with her six grandchildren, love!

In June 2013, my mother in law seen above in yellow with her six grandchildren ranging in age from 9 (Timothy at the lower right) to 30 passed away after a life well lived.  I enjoyed getting to know Mom Mom and teaching Timothy about his Magee heritage (mostly Irish of course!).  His grandfather (Jack's dad) unfortunately passed away in 1986 due to injuries suffered from a car accident.  Although Timothy and I never got to meet Pop Pop, we talk about him often.  Through Jack, we passed down Pop Pop's love of trains to Timothy.  Trains have been one of Timothy's favorite toys. He has drawn them, read about them and been fortunate to travel on one last year.  Magee and Shriver ancestors both worked for the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad so this particular railroad is very significant and important to Timothy and our families.  All aboard....

P.S. Katy, the oldest granddaughter/cousin in the middle row, 2nd from the left is getting married in October 2013.

Family: Declutter Dilema

So, parents out there - what is your opinion?  Do you have a lot of toys in your child's bedroom? Or not?  I am trying to provide Timothy, my son on the Autism Spectrum, with the best chance at serenity and solitude in his bedroom but our home is not spacious nor does it have a designated play room.  At first, when we moved in February 2013, I was excited to downsize and declutter but part of that meant consolidating all of Timothy's age appropriate toys and books into one room, where his bed is. As the last six months have passed, I have wondered if the toys or distractions in his room are preventing him from getting to sleep on time and staying asleep for that matter.  One theory I have heard is that the bed room should only have a bed, books and a desk for homework.  Well, I would love to say I could make this a reality but I just do not think it is reasonable given our space constraints. It is like the adage for adults to not have a TV in the bedroom.  Hmmm...I guess I will have to just wait and see how this all plays out.  I will continue to try and declutter toys that he has outgrown from his room but for now, the toys and Timothy will sleep in the same room.

Family: Remember Marion, the Sister of All Sisters

Marion, a free spirit then and an angel now!

Well, I have just spent some wonderful days with my in-laws for a wedding in San Francisco.  To top it off, I made a spur the moment trip down to Los Angeles to see my sister, Pam for a few days.  As I write this, we approach the 16th anniversary tomorrow of the passing of our beloved sister, Marion.  It's funny but Pam has called me Marion about three times since I arrived.  I like it.  Tomorrow, I think, will be one of the first times we have been together for this annual difficult reminder.  As the years have passed, it has gotten easier I guess.  I do not cry as much but still, on the inside, I wish she were here.  As an educator, I am sure she would know just how I could help Timothy during his academic journey especially with his special needs.  Today, I watched my niece take a riding lesson. She was definitely channelling the inner Marion.  After all, Marion was an accomplished equestrian.  October 23 - it's a bitter sweet day. A day where we wish she had not passed, but at the same time its the day that Marion was allowed to be at peace and not in pain.  I will feel close to Marion tomorrow as I fly east.  By the way, my Mom is flying west tomorrow for the same reason.

Fitness: Family & Filanthropy: Tennis

Recently, I played doubles with my friend and partner against a really great team.  We began the night playing very well and won the first set 6-3. In the second set, we fought hard and as the games racked up, I kept an eye on my Polar Heart Rate monitor (A link to the kind I have is here. And the definition of one is a personal monitoring device which allows one to measure his or her heart rate in real time or record the heart rate for later study. It is largely used by performers of various types of physical exercise.)  I use the monitor as a motivator and it gives me real time feedback about how hard I am working out. In the past, when I have played tennis, I have watched the calories accrue but this time, I watched the heart rate fluctuate.  About mid-way through the two hour match, my heart rate at one point reached about 152 beats.  I was definitely in the zone for most of the match which for me is over 118 beats.  We ended up losing the second set 3-6 and at one point my adrenaline as well as my heart rate was really pumping.  In the third set, we were down 5-0 with about 15 minutes left in our court time.  My partner and I knew we needed to make a come back. We got to 3-5 and lost the final game with about one minute left of our court time.  At that point, I looked at my calories burned - 750! Wow, in a two hour doubles match.  We were really workout hard but having a good time as well.  Tennis is a wonderful sport and one that is very meaningful to my family.  My grandparents, parents and sisters all played, including one sister who turned it into a career.  While my playing personally ebbed and flowed over the years, it was only about three years ago that I began to play regularly.  It brought me new friendships and fun times with my family.  For 25 years, my sister also used tennis as a vehicle to raise awareness and funds for causes in her community.  She and I have begun to talk about ways in which we can again weave the tennis thread into raising money and awareness for a valuable cause. Stay tuned.

Family: Expectation vs. Reality

When Timothy was born, Jack and I did not know at the time, he would be our first, middle and last child all rolled into one. Sometimes, I wish he had a sibling to socialize with and bounce ideas off of.  He often would mention wanting to have a brother or sister and I just explained that we were focused solely on him and wanted to do the best we could to raise him well.  As it turned out, our decision was a good one for several reasons.  Timothy needs our 100% attention and I am not sure we could afford a second child.  In this age of health care uncertainty, Timothy's medical care as far as his mental health is concerned (i.e. therapist or psychiatrist visits) are NOT covered by insurance (prescriptions are but some even with a copay can be hundreds of dollars).  His team of doctors are "not in the plan" so we get no reimbursement.  Unfortunately, my expectation is for his mental health care to be 100% covered but in reality is its not.  Almost on a daily basis, there is a moment where my expectations do not align correctly with reality.  It is completely my issue but when I want so desperately for Timothy to be like other kids, fit in, or be cured - it can be devastating to be hit head on by reality.  This was no more noticed when I took him to his first swimming clinic recently at our local YMCA.  Jack and I have exposed Timothy to basketball, soccer, tennis, golf and now swimming.  We are attempting to see if swimming can be something individualized, yet team oriented that can allow him a positive outlet for all of his energy.  At the clinic, I knew almost immediately that he was not like any of the other young boys and girls.  He sat off to the side, played with my smart phone and only sporadically participated in the dry land activities that included presentations by two former Olympic swimmers.  While sitting quietly to listen to the life stories of elite athletes may be interesting for the adults in the room, all the kids were having some trouble sitting still and remaining focused.  It's to be expected.  At the time, I was not sure Timothy was listening.  He did ask some good questions but he also was a bit distracting to the others in the group.  As I sat off the side, I wondered should I intervene, tell him to pipe down or sit still - well yes and I did so several times as quietly as I could so as not to draw more attention to Timothy.  All he wanted to do was swim - forget the dry land (with all due respect to the Olympians of course).  Finally, his moment to swim came.  But, shockingly and through bad planning on my part, it was Timothy's first time in the cold pool at the Y.  The warm pool where he has been to several team practices is several degrees warmer.  He jumped in only to gasp reflex with chills.  To give him credit, he swam two laps but then simply got up and out of the pool and wanted to go to the warm pool.  His ability to absorb those differences while in that new group setting just was not possible.  I had no other choice but to let him go to the warm pool to finish the clinic in his own way.  Once again, he was different.  I was sobbing off to the side of the pool deck trying so hard not to let my emotions appear in public.  I wanted him to enjoy himself, learn something and be inspired.  As we left the Y and drove home, I cried more (you see over my life time, I have perfected the driving and crying move - **disclaimer - I do not recommended it**).  I got home and went for a long walk.  The exercise outlet for me is so critical to my own self-care.  After I came back from my walk, I heard Timothy telling Dad about the Olympians he met and that one of them swam with spiders.  Yes, a story that one of them told the kids involved spiders.  At that point, I realized he was listening but in his own active way.

PS The next day, we had a great end to the day. Timothy ate grilled chicken (not breaded) but the real deal for dinner.  He actually consumed some healthy and pure protein.  I think if we can get him to eat more protein, the better things will be overall.

Filanthropy: Leading by Example

When I was in high school, I remember my parents leading by example when they co-chaired my high school senior class gift project.  It was an annual effort conducted by a committee of parents and/or grandparents of graduating seniors to raise funds for the school's annual fund or a special project.  I have a distinct memory from my high school graduation day, when my parents stood in front of the audience to share how much money was raised in our honor.  This was my first memory of philanthropy, giving money or time to a valuable cause.  As I have gotten older, I have learned about earlier generations of my family showing compassion, generosity and care for the less fortunate.  My family has been paying it forward for a long time.  It is a lesson that I try to show my son Timothy too.   He has donated books that he no longer reads to Goodwill and has participated in a Lemonade Stand for donations with his cousins to benefit a local community foundation.  It's nice to see the next generation paying it forward.

Family: Comorbid - The Word of the Day at 1:30 am, 2:22 am and Finally 4:44 am

I would say the past six months have been the most difficult for me as a Mom.  They have also been challenging for Jack as a Dad.  I think they have also been difficult for Timothy hence today's headline, comorbidity. In Timothy's case he lives with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder which is treatable by medicine, therapy and strong support and understanding from family, friends, teachers, coaches and sometimes complete strangers. Simultaneously, he lives on the Autism Spectrum which is not treatable by medicine but can be managed through therapy which is uniquely designed by his therapist and implemented at home and at school. This is comorbidity, two disorders going on simultaneously in his body. His team also includes a psychiatrist who can prescribe the medicines.  Luckily, Timothy is able to attend a wonderful school on the Delmarva that specializes in individualized education plans, implementation of curriculum that fosters academic success through multidisciplinary approaches and frankly, off the wall strategies (for most main stream public and other private schools), like allowing gum chewing, playing with a fidget toy or sitting on an exercise ball during class.  When you have two things like these disorders going on in a little boy at the same time, it can be hard to differentiate between symptoms of one or the other.  Over the last six months, we have seen behaviors develop in Timothy we do not like such as more aggression, back-talk, boarder line bad language, uneven sleep patterns, lying, suppressed appetite and non-compliance to simple one-step directions such as "brush your teeth," "get dressed," or "eat your dinner."  Many might say these are all typical behaviors of a normal nine year old boy just testing the waters of blossoming independence, and maybe some of them are but as a Mom I know Timothy's behaviors are comorbid with normal (good and bad) milestones but also simultaneously occurring and/or being intensified by his "disorder cocktail."  Each day comes with the scary thought of what's going to go wrong today?  It is hard to stay focused on what's will go right today when Timothy wakes us up three times between 1 and 4 am, only to finally give in and welcome him into our bed for some Disney XD (XD meaning in my opinion, cartoons on steroids or hyperactivity launcher.)  I think the feeling on this early fall morning, is that we do not quite have the medicine right.  I hope we can get it right so we can all get some much needed sleep and more balance in our daily lives!  

Family: The Bean Bag

During the summer of 2007, I took my then 3 year old son Timothy to the park near our home for an annual event called the Multicultural Festival.  It is a gathering of many people from different cultures where ethnic music, foods and exposure to local community organizations is made possible in one convenient location.   One booth that we visited was sponsored by the local library.  There were books, fliers and information about obtaining a library card, the most important non-credit or id card in one's wallet.  Timothy was not too interested in the offerings on the table but he did immediately gravitate towards the library's hands-on activity which was a part of their booth's display. Someone had taken an old cardboard box, a pretty large one at that, cut it open and painted one side to look like a school bus.  It was yellow, with black lines and of course windows which were cut out.  The "school bus" was propped up by some kind of make shift easel.  The point of the activity was to stand in front of the "bus" which was "parked" sideways and throw several bean bag(s) through the windows of the bus.  When Timothy came to the front of the line for his turn and approached the activity, he immediately and confidently took the bean bags and walked around the "bus" and theoretically stepped inside the bus, like he was going to take a seat and look out the window.  His idea for how the game should work, was to throw the bean bag(s) out of the window of the "bus" as opposed to throwing them from the outside to the inside.  In hindsight, it may have appeared that Timothy was performing the activity wrong but really he was performing it the way he interpreted it.  He threw the bean bag(s) in his own way, his right way.  It is the first time, I can honestly remember thinking, Timothy was different from other kids his age.